Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Friday Night Fights. Tonight’s main event is a title fight, the purse being the heart, mind, soul, soil, and future fortune of the Malagasy everywhere.
In the blue corner, wearing the Shroud of Turin, fighting out of Jerusalem (except for East Jerusalem, thanks for that one, Barack) the 2000 year champion – Jesus Christ.
Not Exactly St. Peter’s Basilica; but it will do.
And the challenger, wearing a fine coating of Titanium Dioxide, fighting out of Melbourne, Australia by way of London, England – Rio Tinto.
Rio Tinto Titanium Dioxide Mine
Deforested and Strip Mined
Across the Street. How the Stripped Area Looked a Few Years Back.
The zealous evangelists have a long legacy of experience on their side. They have used intimidation, fear, false promises of an afterlife, education and medical attention as a way of gaining the upper hand, Rio Tinto, a relative newcomer to the ring is a true heavyweight. They have perfected the skills of creating infrastructure, having trained in the camp of Chinese, the true masters of the ‘infrastructure for resources’ gambit; a strategy used worldwide today.
Locks Built by Rio Tinto to Segregate Fresh Water Portion of Lake Lanirano, Holy to the Local Evatra Vilagers from Salty Area.
To this day, the Chinese are undefeated at the art of financial colonization. In fact, every bout to date has ended in an environmental KO for their host nation/opponent. Rio Tinto, or RT as they are known in inner circles, have made great progress as brash newcomers to the area by providing low level employment for many. All upper echelon oversight comes from South Africa, Europe and Australia. Easier to import proven talent than to train new young blood.
Respiratory failure, cancer and other unidentified illnesses that are inflicted upon the mine workers is considered a slight knock or scratch by RT. Their skilled corner men build schools, roads,
provide electricity, etc., making the collateral damage sustained a small price to pay.
The evangelicals have used stealth and a psychological jabbing style to inflict their damage rather than the power punching of RT. Whereas Rio Tinto can overwhelm the opponent with haymakers, the evangelicals approach is to go the distance, winning the decisions, and inflicting emotional and moral chaos upon the region and its civilians; taking advantage of a long standing tried and true missionary style as developed by the Apostle St. Paul when he was training out of Chennai, India back at the turn of the previous millennium. Using an effective combination of offering help today in exchange for salvation tomorrow, the evangelists has proven to be a major force to be reckoned with globally. Like George Forman, not only do they get better at their primary skills as they age, but their ability to pitch products with a razor sharp delivery has widened their arsenal to render them almost undefeatable.
And now time for the decision. It is unanimous – all three judges have scored the fight the same way.
The loser, by unanimous decision – Madagascar.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we hope you have enjoyed today’s entertainment. Tickets go on sale Monday for the next title bout. Political Corruption vs the little guys. It’s sure to be an unforgettable experience. Good night and please drive home safely.
And now some nice pictures. Reward for enduring my anarchist diatribe.